Ok, something has just finally gotten to me, and I think it's time to have a mini gripe fest about it. I don't mean this towards any person in particular, but more against a mindset that, in my opinion, is all too popular among "seasoned" parents towards first time pregnant women and moms. And by "seasoned," I generally mean those who have one, maybe 2 kids under the age of 3.
What is it about a women in her first pregnancy making a comment about how she's tired, not sleeping well, or up earlier than she'd really like to be, that makes you think you should immediately respond with sardonic laughter and an "Oh, you just wait. Once that baby comes, you'll really know what no sleep is like." Who the heck asked you?!?!?! And what gives you the right to be anything but happy for someone expecting her first child?
I realize that there are SOME unsuspecting, clueless poor saps out there who somehow have created the mindset that motherhood, especially EARLY motherhood is somehow simple and that all babies do is eat, sleep, and poop. Oh, and I guess they're supposed to eat only between the hours of 8:00am and 10:00pm so Mommy can get her beauty rest. Any takers on that theory? No???? I didn't think so.
Believe it or not, THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!!!!!!! I already know that I won't be getting any sleep once this little girl comes, that she's going to be needing me at her every beck and call, and that I will literally get nothing accomplished for at least the first 4 months of her life. And you know what? I'm ok with it! I actually want what comes with a newborn, and those crazy, terrifying first steps into parenthood. None of this comes as any big surprise to me.
Thing is, right now, I don't have a little baby screaming for me at 3:30 in the morning, 20 minutes after I finally got her back to sleep. I don't have the inability to shower for 5 days at a time, to never eat (the REAL reason why breastfeeding mothers can lose weight so fast, for anyone who was wondering), and to probably be disolved in tears at least half the time my child is. I'm not saying that I'm completely prepared for it psycologically and emotionally, but I do know what's coming.
I'm almost 6 months pregnant, I'm tired, I'm not sleeping well when I do sleep, I wake up at 5:30 in the morning with indigestion that lasts until I finally get to sleep at midnight. Right now, I'm working a job that has me up and out at 7:00am, driving around town all day, chasing after diabetic cats (more on that later this weekend), and IF I have any energy, doing whatever I can and need to around the house during the day before going back out for my final visits at or after 9:00pm.
I enjoy my job, but it's not easy. The schedule is rough some days and I don't always have it in me to run around with what ends up being a 14 hour day when I can't get myself to sleep for a nap during the day. If I'm tired, and want to whine just a little bit about about how I'm not happy to be up before 9:00am, I think I've earned the right. I'm pretty darn confident that any other pregnant women out there felt the exact same way their first time around.
It doesn't take much to either not say anything, or to say, "Sorry you're not sleeping well. I went through that too. I know it's rough." Is that so hard??? What is it about other moms that completely leeches them of any sense of empathy, any sense of happiness on the part of a new mom coming into this weird new world where we could use all the help and encouragement we can get? Saying crap like, "Oh, just you wait," just gets old and after a while, it just pisses us off. Do you not realize how much we're looking to you for guidance? You've walked this path before. You know what's ahead with better awareness than we do. We have a respect for you that can only pass between a first-time pregnant woman and a mother. Do us a kindness and return the favor a little. And don't be such a pain in the ass about it.
3 years ago